Learning to Love Yourself
by bsmith511
Summary: After ending their 4 year relationship, Elena gets into an accident and is left in the hospital. Will the threat of losing her forever be enough for Damon to move past the demons that he has in his past? Or is he destined to sabotage his own happiness forever? AU/AH
1. Chapter 1

I was awoken by the shrill ring of my telephone. Groaning, I reached for it to look at the screen. Elena's name flashed across the screen. Rolling my eyes, I hit the ignore button, knowing that she was calling to try to work things out after we had ended our four year relationship earlier. I was in no mood to deal with that right now.

_Flashback_

"_I can't do this anymore, Elena! I'm not some puzzle that you can put back together! There will always be pieces missing from me." _

"_Fine, Damon. I'm done. I can't love someone that doesn't love themselves. I've tried everything possible to make you happy and it's never enough for you. I have to move on."_

"_Get out, Elena. Just leave. And don't look back."_

_She gave me one last tearful look before slamming the door and walking out of my life._

As I remembered the fight, I found myself getting angry again. Who was she to try to fix me? She didn't understand the things that had happened in my past. She wasn't a psychologist, she can't diagnose me and make me into the man that she wants me to be. I wasn't capable of being fixed.

Knowing that I would not be able to get back to sleep now that I was up, I walked downstairs to fix myself a drink to try to shut my mind off. Sitting on the couch, bourbon in hand, I realized that my thoughts were running rampant and I couldn't get away from them. Vaguely, I registered that my phone was ringing again. I ignored it. And then it happened again, and a third time. Sighing, I pushed myself up from the couch ready to tell Elena to leave me alone. When I looked at my phone, I noticed 4 missed calls. The first was from Elena, the second was from Jeremy, the third from Caroline and the fourth was from a number I didn't recognize.

I felt myself get annoyed that Blondie and Jeremy were calling me this late at night to yell at me for hurting Elena…again. I noticed one of them had left me a voicemail and against my better judgment, I pressed play.

"_Mr. Salvatore, this is Dr. Meridith Fell at Mystic Falls General. We have Elena Gilbert here. She was in an accident and had you listed as her emergency contact. Please call us as soon as you can."_

Without realizing, I had fallen to the floor. If I had thought my mind was going crazy before, it was now in overdrive trying to process the message I had just heard. 3 words kept repeating themselves over in my head, _accident, hospital, Elena. _Snapping myself out of my stupor, I got dressed as fast as I could and flew downstairs, grabbing my keys on the way out.

I sprinted into the hospital, yelling at anyone who was in scrubs to tell me where she was. The nurse at the desk told me she was on the 3rd floor, in ICU. As I took the elevator up to where she was, panic began to set in. Stepping out onto the third floor, I immediately saw Caroline and Jeremy huddled in a corner. They looked up, relieved to finally see me.

"What happened?" I yelled a bit too harshly at them.

"She was in an accident, Damon. She was on her way home and crashed her car. The paramedics said they thought she had been crying about something and that's why she lost control. We haven't heard from any doctors yet, we just know that she is in surgery." Caroline told me, sniffing slightly at the end.

As the story that Caroline relayed to me began to sink in, I was overwhelmed with guilt. If I hadn't kicked her out, this wouldn't have happened. She would be curled up against my side asleep right now. I did this to her. This is my fault. I know that I have caused her more pain than anyone deserves, but if I cost her her life, I couldn't handle that. I would rather stake myself than know that the world lost her beautiful, warm presence because of me. Before I could breakdown completely, a doctor walked into the room, calling out her name.

"The family of Elena Gilbert?"

All three of our heads snapped up towards the door, eager to find out any information at all.

"Is she okay? Is she out of surgery?" Jeremy asked the doctor.

The doctor smiled warmly at us before continuing, "I'm Dr. Fell. Yes, Elena is out of surgery and she will be okay, eventually. We ran into a few complications during the surgery and had to put her into a coma in order for her to continue healing. We plan on keeping her in the coma for a week in order to stabilize and keep an eye on her. She will wake up though, I have no doubts."

A collective sigh was heaved from all three of us. Relief washing over us as we looked at each other, tears in our eyes.

"I must inform you that there was brain damage that occurred during the accident. We don't know how much, if anything she will remember when she wakes up. There is no way of knowing until Elena herself wakes up and lets us know. She is in her room now if you would like to visit her. One at a time, please."

Jeremy and Caroline looked at me and nodded their heads slowly, to show that they thought I should go in first. I opened my mouth to protest but Caroline offered me a watery smile and pushed me towards the door. I hesitantly followed Dr. Fell towards Elena's room. She told me to put on a smock and mask before I could enter the room. I took my time getting them on in order to calm my nerves about seeing Elena. Once I had mustered up enough courage, I slowly opened the door. When I saw her laying in that bed with wires coming from what looked to be every part of her body, and a big ugly, gash on her forehead, my heart broke. Tentatively, I walked toward her and sat down in a chair next to the bed. As carefully as I could, I took her hand in mine, and finally let the tears spill from my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Elena. This is all my fault." I repeated to her over and over again, hoping and praying that somehow she could hear me.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: First, thanks to everyone who has reviewed/followed/favorited my little story. This is the first that I've ever written so to get positive feedback was great! Second, I will try to update as often as possible but don't expect them to always be this soon! On to chapter 2!

It was on the 2nd day of sitting at Elena's bedside with no discernible change with her, that Damon began thinking of their relationship and everything that they had been through together. They had had a somewhat volatile relationship and he knew that most of that was his fault, but the good times more than outweighed the bad. Leaning back in his chair, he let his mind wander to the first time they had met.

_June 2009_

"_Come on, Elena! It's finally summer! We have to go out to this party!" Caroline screeched. _

"_Care, I just want to sit at home with my ice cream and watch movies! I don't want to go to some stupid party where I won't know anyone." Elena replied._

"_That's the point, Elena! You need to meet new people! Maybe even find a guy that will finally take your mind off of Matt," Caroline mused._

_It had been 4 months since her 2 year relationship with Matt Donovan had ended and it was proving to be harder to get over than Elena thought. Finally admitting that getting herself out there was a good idea, she sighed inwardly._

"_Fine, Care. I'll go to this party. But, I'm not changing. I'll be going in my yoga pants and hoodie or the deal is off." Elena said. _

"_Yay! Let's get going then!" Caroline said, voice filled with excitement._

_15 minutes later, they were pulling up to a house on the other side of town and Elena was beginning to regret her decision. After making their way through the house and saying hello to the few people that she recognized, they made their way out onto the back patio. She heard him before she saw him._

"_No way you can drink more than me! I'm the king of this place! Nobody is better than me at anything!" _

_Elena rolled her eyes and craned her neck to see who was making the arrogant remarks. She recognized him as Damon Salvatore. He had graduated two years before she had from Mystic Falls High and while she had never talked to him, she had certainly heard of his reputation. He was a ladies' man, and had been with more than his fair share of women, never committing to a single one of them. He was the exact type of guy that Elena needed to avoid. But, God was he hot. She made her way towards a chair and continued to watch him put down and laugh at every person that came and challenged him to a drinking game. _

_Twenty minutes later, she was sitting next to Caroline, who was eyeing the guy standing in the corner, Tyler something, Elena vaguely remembered. She looked up to see Damon walking towards where she was sitting. She watched him openly check out the 2 girls he walked past before coming over and kissing a girl named Andie, who was his current flavor of the week. They moved to stand near where Elena was sitting as he noticed a girl in a bikini top and cut off shorts walking by him before calling out, "hey, baby!" She turned around and was met with the bluest eyes she had ever seen._

"_Has anyone ever told you that you are an asshole?" She offered nonchalantly._

_Damon feigned hurt by clutching his right hand over his heart. "Me? An asshole? I'm offended!" _

"_Good. Now you know how every female here feels when you look at them like a piece of meat." She countered._

_Plopping himself down in the chair next to her he extended his hand to her. "I think it's time we formally meet since you think you already have me figured out. I'm Damon."_

_She rolled her eyes, ignoring him and turned away from him to continue her conversation with Caroline. _

"_So you're not even going to tell me your name after insulting me? And I'm supposed to be the asshole in this situation?" _

_She whipped around with the most forced smile she could muster and cooed, "Oh, I'm so sorry! I must not have seen you there! It is SO nice to meet you! I'm Elena!" before turning her back to him once again._

"_Well, Miss Elena, you sure know how to get someone's attention. It's a good thing you've got such a personality because that outfit you're wearing surely doesn't attract many men," Damon replied with a smirk._

_Getting annoyed, she turned back towards him only to counter, "I just don't see the point in getting dressed up when there won't be anyone worth impressing where I'm going." _

"_I like you, Elena. You've got spunk. Not many people can go toe to toe with me. I'm intrigued by you." _

"_Great. I can hardly contain my excitement. Now that I've got the attention of the infamous Damon Salvatore, tell me, have you always been such a jerk? Or is it all just a front because you're afraid of something?" _

_Damon's eyes widened. Nobody had ever called him out on that before. It was like this girl knew him without even having to try. He wasn't sure what to say back, so he plastered his nearly permanent smirk on his face and laughed, "No, Elena, I'm not afraid of anything." _

"_If that's what helps you sleep at night, then keep telling yourself that, Damon."_

_Before they knew it, they had been bantering back and forth for almost an hour. The conversation getting lighter the longer they continued. _

"_Did you know that semen whitens teeth?" he offered with a grin._

"_Oh, really now? And how do you know that?" she replied._

"_Google, of course."_

"_And what else do you Google, Mr. Salvatore?" Elena countered._

_He was stumped. He had no idea how to respond to that. For the first time, Damon Salvatore was speechless. Elena burst out laughing after registering the confused look on his face. After hearing her laughter, he decided he wanted to do all that he could to hear it more often. He was about to open his mouth to begin talking again when Caroline approached. _

"_Are you ready to go, Elena? They ran out of wine coolers and I'm tired." Caroline whined._

"_Sure, Care. Let's get you home." Elena said, while standing up._

_Turning towards Damon, Elena said, "Well, Damon. This conversation has been…entertaining. It was good to have a conversation like that, I hadn't done it in awhile." She offered him a small smile before walking towards the house._

"_Wait, Elena!" She turned around slowly, looking at him expectantly. "Do you think, maybe we could do this again? I mean the banter part. It's not often I find someone that can keep up with me," he said with a wink. _

"_Sure, Damon." She started to walk away slowly repeating the numbers to her phone number. _

_She smirked to herself, if somehow he managed to hear everything I just said, I might just talk to him again, she thought._

_She drove home thinking about the night and how glad she was that she ended up going out that night. Just as she pulled up to her house, her phone beeped. She grabbed it and opened the message._

"_It was nice meeting you, Miss Elena. Don't forget what I said about semen. ;)"_

Damon was jolted out of his dream by a nurse entering the room to check on Elena's vitals. Once she left again, Damon leaned over Elena's body and placed a soft kiss to her forehead before whispering to her, "You can't leave me, Elena. You're the only person that understands me. You've called me on my bullshit from the minute I met you. I won't last without you. Please, please be okay. I love you so much." With one last glance at her, he walked out of the room to get a coffee and hopefully get his mind on something else other than all of the things that he had done wrong to the beautiful woman up on the third floor.

A/N: Ok, confession time. This story is loosely based on my own past relationship. Pretty much everything except for the accident is something that actually happened between me and my ex. So writing this has been very cathartic for me and I really hope that you guys are enjoying it.


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